Debunking Myths: 5 Frustrating Realities About Divorce

, , , , , , ,

  1. There are no punitive damages. Not for extra-marital affairs, not for being the spouse seeking the divorce, and generally not for other conduct unless it has a significant impact on the health or finances of the parties or children.


  1. What goes around comes around. If you disparage your spouse to your children and to others in order to cause pain to your spouse, it is likely to cause significant long term pain to your children, and ultimately to you as well, causing wounds which may never heal. More about how to handle divorce with your children in Silver Linings, the book.


  1. Alimony is gender neutral. For the successful higher earning men and women of Massachusetts, you may pay alimony to your soon to be ex in a divorce.


  1. You can’t have it both ways. An equitable divorce in the eyes of the law may be one in which both parties walk away feeling unhappy.   For every benefit there is generally a corresponding burden. Your idea of “fair” may not comport with the Court’s view of fairness.


  1. You can’t “stop” a divorce. We have no fault divorce in Massachusetts.   If one spouse wants a divorce, a divorce will be granted, even over the objections of the other.

Homes of Divorce: It’s Not Broken, Just Different

I am a divorce attorney. I help clients restructure their lives after they have decided to divorce. I don’t cause divorce or advocate divorce; I do my best to help people in pain try to put their lives back together and establish a “new normal”. I have the privilege of making a difference to people who are in transition.

Each time I hear divorce described as a “broken” family or a “broken” home, I shudder.

Divorce is nothing more than restructuring of lives and families into two homes instead of one. The parties to a divorce and their children all remain whole—their family just looks different. Divorce is a decision—sometimes voluntary and sometimes involuntary. It is no different than any other decision in one’s life, but it can be one fraught with anxiety and concern.

It presents emotional, financial and legal challenges. It causes wounds that often take time to heal. But people, and families, move on and they do heal. They restructure. Parents and children from divorced homes are no less healthy or dysfunctional than parents and children from intact homes.

When a couple makes the decision to divorce, it disrupts the status quo. Decisions must be made, and there are many interests to protect. Most people have no experience with divorce before it happens to them. As a divorce attorney, I guide clients through one of the most difficult experiences they will ever encounter. There are more questions than answers. Where will everyone live? How will the children be cared for? How will we decide parenting time with the children? How much will each parent provide in financial support and for how long? Who will pay for college? How will medical and dental insurance be provided for the family? Will there be life insurance protection if one parent dies? How will the family home, retirement plans and other assets be divided? Who will assume the debts and mortgages? If circumstances change in future years, how will that affect our rights and responsibilities?

I am proud to be a lawyer, and proud to represent men and women from all walks of life in restructuring their families during and after divorce. At Ryan Faenza Carey, our attorneys offer patience, understanding, and sensitivity. We provide competent, professional guidance for our clients through the emotionally charged journey of divorce, with a view toward arriving at a prompt and amicable settlement wherever possible, so that our clients’ lives may begin anew.

Separating From Your Spouse: Legal Separation, Divorce, or Annulment?

, , ,

Which One is Right for You?

Realizing that your marriage has ended is a difficult decision. In Massachusetts, you have two alternatives to an official divorce, and we at RFC take care to help our clients understand the benefits and disadvantages of each option they have available. Here are two alternatives to filing for divorce—and some of the things to know before choosing a path.

Legal Separation, or Separate Support in Massachusetts

Clients sometimes ask whether a “legal separation” is a viable option, oftentimes searching for a less permanent trial period to determine if their marriage is truly over. However, Massachusetts does not recognize “legal separation.” Instead, individuals in the Commonwealth have the option to file a Complaint for Separate Support if the client and his/her spouse are living apart due to a justifiable cause like abuse, adultery, or desertion. A Separate Support agreement is different from divorce in that it will not end the marriage, but will merely provide for a spouse’s financial support while the parties are living separate and apart.

While a Separate Support agreement may be an ideal situation for some, it is typically not the most ideal method of moving a divorce forward. After receiving an Order or Judgment for Separate Support, an individual will need to essentially start over and go through a similar process to obtain a permanent divorce. Further, there are no protections relating to property rights in a Separate Support action, and the length of marriage continues, which could impact alimony calculations if and when the couple gets a divorce.

Filing for divorce is not permanent until the case goes to Judgment; the parties may reconcile and dismiss the Divorce Complaint at any time prior to Judgment.


A Complaint for Annulment is a request that the Court find your marriage was never legal. Annulments are not common in Massachusetts and only apply in limited circumstances. To grant an annulment, the Court must determine that your marriage is either “void,” or “voidable.” Annulments are not quicker nor easier than filing for divorce.

A marriage can be deemed ‘void’ if:

  1. You were already married to someone else when you got married; or
  2. You marry a close relative, either by blood or marriage.

Additionally, sometimes a marriage may be deemed “voidable,” for the following reasons, although not guaranteed:

  1. One of the spouses did not have the mental capacity to consent to marriage at the time
  2. One of the spouses is not physically capable of sexual intercourse
  3. One of the spouses was not old enough to get married
  4. There was fraud involved in initiating the marriage.

While it is a personal, and often times very difficult decision to file for divorce, unfortunately the Separate Support/annulment processes are not any less complicated options. Typically, divorce is the only means to properly uncouple yourself from your spouse. Whatever your circumstances, you should speak with counsel prior to filing any Complaint to ensure that you fully understand your options. Questions about how to proceed? Our attorneys at Ryan Faenza Carey are always available for consultation. Contact us today.

Restraining Order or Not: How you can protect yourself from abuse, stalking or harassment in Massachusetts

A co-worker that you hardly know suddenly begins acting hostile towards you. One day, out of the blue, she threatens to beat you up. Another day, she screams at you and gets in your face. You become scared and upset and you feel things are escalating. Soon, you find all four of your tires slashed.

What do you do? You discuss the situation with a friend and she tells you to go get a domestic violence restraining order. But that requires several things, one of which is that you demonstrate to a judge that you and the person threatening to harm you have been involved in a substantive dating or engagement relationship, or are or were married, or that you are or were residing with the person, or that you had a child in common with him/her. Clearly, that is not the case here with your co-worker.

Does that mean there is no way you can be protected? No. It does not. In 2010, Massachusetts enacted a law similar to the law that allows a judge to issue a domestic violence abuse protection order. The law, known as the harassment prevention law gives protection to victims of abuse, stalking or harassment where the requirements of the other law are not satisfied. So, which one is appropriate for you if you are being abused or harassed?

The attorneys at Ryan Faenza Carey can assist you in pursuing the right legal action to ensure you have the protection you need. Contact us today for more information.

Buyers and Sellers: What Should be Disclosed During a Home Sale?

You are selling your house and you wonder “What am I required to disclose to a potential Buyer about the condition of my home?”

Knowing how and whether to respond can be confusing when a Buyer asks many questions. Massachusetts law imposes a duty of honesty on a seller; so, if a buyer asks you a specific question, you must answer honestly if you choose to answer. And while Sellers generally have no obligation to affirmatively disclose defective conditions in their home unless asked, they are obligated to disclose whether a home has a septic system and what they know about whether it has lead paint.

So, if you are a Buyer, the best way to protect yourself when buying a house is to ask many questions early on. If you are a Seller and you do not know the answer to a question, you can say so. It is never a good idea to guess and you should only answer if you know and you should avoid saying “I don’t think so.”

Having a lawyer early on if you are a Buyer or a Seller can help you determine what your legal obligations are to the other party. Contact RFC today if you need assistance with landlord/tenant matters.