There are no punitive damages. Not for extra-marital affairs, not for being the spouse seeking the divorce, and generally not for other conduct unless it has a significant impact on the health or finances of the parties or children.
What goes around comes around. If you disparage your spouse to your children and to others in order to cause pain to your spouse, it is likely to cause significant long term pain to your children, and ultimately to you as well, causing wounds which may never heal. More about how to handle divorce with your children in Silver Linings, the book.
Alimony is gender neutral. For the successful higher earning men and women of Massachusetts, you may pay alimony to your soon to be ex in a divorce.
You can’t have it both ways. An equitable divorce in the eyes of the law may be one in which both parties walk away feeling unhappy. For every benefit there is generally a corresponding burden. Your idea of “fair” may not comport with the Court’s view of fairness.
You can’t “stop” a divorce. We have no fault divorce in Massachusetts. If one spouse wants a divorce, a divorce will be granted, even over the objections of the other.